


just need some place where i can lay my head

by outruntheavalanche



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hero Worship, Kissing, Older Woman/Younger Man, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-08-28 21:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16731225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outruntheavalanche/pseuds/outruntheavalanche
Summary: Leia couldn’t say for certain that she’d evernothad her shoulders bowed with the weight of grief. She’d been so young, after all, when the Empire blotted her family, her friends, herhomeout of existence. Though she’d been well-loved and adored—and she had loved and adored in return—Leia wore the grief of her birth mother’s death at a young age.Now, Leia had lost both Han and Luke in a matter of days. The Resistance had been decimated, riddled with holes. She’d told young Rey that they had all they needed, but did she truly believe that? Or was she just trying to reassure a confused, frightened teenager?Leia sighed.





	just need some place where i can lay my head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ljparis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ljparis/gifts).



> The ring Leia wears is [this one](http://nullrefer.com/?http://natashabucks.tumblr.com/post/136847929312). 
> 
> Thanks to my friend [](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/izzetboilerworks/profile)[**izzetboilerworks**](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/izzetboilerworks/) for looking this over for me. 
> 
> I wanted to incorporate Force dreams, but alas! Hope enjoy like this, Ljparis! 
> 
> Title from "The Weight," by the Band.

Leia slipped into her chambers and, as the door slid shut behind her, she collapsed back against it with a bone-weary sigh. She stayed like that for a few moments, just breathing, before she pushed off against cool durasteel. Leia reached up with aching fingers and began to unpin her hair from the complicated coils and braids that made up the Alderaanian mourning style. 

After she was done, and her long, gray hair fell over her shoulders, Leia went to pour herself a drink. She settled on an old favorite of Han’s, Corellian rum, and poured herself a little more than she usually drank. She was about to bring the glass to her lips when there was a soft knock on the door. So soft she could have missed it had she not been listening for it. 

Leia set her glass down. “Come in,” she commanded. Then she added, with a wry smile, “The door is open.”

The door to her chambers _whooshed_ open and the strident footsteps that clipped across duracrete faltered the closer they came to her, until they stopped completely.

Leia lifted the glass again and tossed back the dregs. She set the glass down and turned. 

“I’m sorry to disturb you, General—” Poe Dameron began, but Leia cut him short with a weary laugh and waved a dismissive hand at him.

“Let’s dispense with the formalities, Commander,” she said, with a wink. “I’m Leia within these durasteel walls. Would you like a drink, Poe?” Leia gestured to the bottle of rum still resting on the table beside her hip.

Poe seemed surprised—Leia couldn’t tell what had surprised him the most. “Uh, I just… I…” He stammered, at a loss for words. Finally, he said, “That would be lovely, Gen—um, Leia. Thank you.”

Leia smiled and turned, pouring him a glass and pressing it into his hand. “What did you wish to discuss?” she asked.

Leia made her way to the sitting area—for these ostentatious chambers had a sitting area—and settled on what was mostly a decorative couch. There were too many tassels and beads and embroidery for Leia’s tastes, but it was a Nabooian gift. Leia ran a hand over the armrest and waited for Poe to join her.

Poe settled down on the couch and cradled the glass of Corellian rum in his hands. “That’s kind of why I’m here,” he said, sipping at his cup. When he brought the glass down, his lips were slick with it and he licked the stray rum away. “The formalities, I mean. _Am_ I Commander Poe Dameron again? Have I been reinstated?”

Leia knew this was coming. Leia had been hoping to put off any talk of Resistance drudgery until her mourning period had passed, but she knew these sorts of things couldn’t be helped. She couldn’t give Poe special permission every time she needed him to leap into danger. Like she was his _mother_ , for pity’s sake. Firstly, Leia had known his mother Shara, had fought alongside her during the Rebellion. And, secondly, Leia…well, she had less than motherly feelings toward Poe. 

And, of course, there was that pesky business of Leia being his general. While they didn’t exactly forbid relationships between members of equal rank, the Resistance certainly wouldn’t approve of a superior and a subordinate engaging in… 

Leia didn’t realize she’d let her thoughts wander off until Poe was reaching for her hand and clasping it in his own.

“General, Leia, are you all right?” he asked, sounding concerned.

Leia gently twisted her hand out of his and patted his knee. “I’m fine,” she said. “My mind wanders sometimes.”

Poe nodded, his countenance faltering, and she realized at once that he thought she was overcome with grief. 

Leia couldn’t say for certain that she’d ever _not_ had her shoulders bowed with the weight of grief. She’d been so young, after all, when the Empire blotted her family, her friends, her _home_ out of existence. Though she’d been well-loved and adored—and she had loved and adored in return—Leia wore the grief of her birth mother’s death at a young age. 

Now, Leia had lost both Han and Luke in a matter of days. The Resistance had been decimated, riddled with holes. She’d told young Rey that they had all they needed, but did she truly believe that? Or was she just trying to reassure a confused, frightened teenager? 

Leia sighed. 

Poe clasped her hand more tightly in his own. “Can I help?”

Leia shook her head and smiled. Though he reminded her so much of her Han, there was more than a little Luke in him. And she saw bits of herself in Poe at times, too. Especially when he defied her orders. 

“Poe,” she said deliberately, squeezing back on his fingers. “I’m going to ask you something that’s…probably rather inappropriate.”

“Go on. I’m listening,” Poe says, giving her a playful smile. 

Leia laughed too. “I’m going to reinstate you,” she said. “But first, I’d like something from you.” Leia paused. “This is the inappropriate part.”

“Anything you need, Leia,” he said, without hesitation.

“I’d like for you to—to lay down with me. On the bed. And just…” Here, Leia faltered, but she gathered her reserves. “Hold me.”

It was an odd request, one Poe would be justified in rejecting. Perhaps he’d report her to _her_ superiors. 

But Poe’s eyes softened as he gazed at her, as if he truly understood what she was grasping for. What she needed. 

Without a word, he stood and led her over to her unmade bed. She hadn’t bothered to make the bed before she left for Han’s memorial service that morning. Luke’s would be in a few days’ time, but with no body to burn or bury she didn’t know what to expect. 

Poe sat down on the bed and Leia joined him, settling beside him and smoothing down the dark, heavy skirts of her mourning gown. 

She stared at her hands, her eyes drawn—as ever—to the ornate ring on her finger. The deep blue jewels winked in the artificial lighting of her chambers and the metal glistened. She rubbed a hand over the ring, as if trying to seek some comfort from it. 

Poe’s hand came to rest on her back and rubbed, working in slow circles in the middle of her back.

He nodded to the ring. “What’s all that mean,” Poe asked, as he kept rubbing her back. “It kind of reminds me of the twin suns of Tatooine.”

Leia laughed, a rasping chuckle that gave way to a long, tired sigh. “Ask me again, sometime,” she said, though she had no intention of revealing _all_ her secrets to Poe. 

Leia settled on her back and Poe lay down beside her. Somehow, her hand found his again in the dark. 

After a few long moments of thoughtful, pensive silence, Poe cleared his throat and spoke.

“I’ll admit I’m confused. I don’t really understand why you asked me to stay with you,” he admitted, almost sounding embarrassed.

Embarrassed for her or with her, Leia couldn’t be sure. 

“I have no one left,” Leia said, mostly to the dark. “I’ve just put my husband in a tomb and, in a few days, I’ll do the same with my brother. There _is_ no tomb for my parents. And…”

Leia trailed off into another sigh.

She felt Poe turning beside her, until he was resting on his side. He was close enough that she could feel his warm, sweet breath against her cheek.

“You’re still here,” he says, his voice soft and quiet, yet sounding so loud in her ear. “We’re both still here. We’re survivors, General.”

Leia thought of Shara Bey again. Poe had only been a child when he lost her. 

“I’ve lost so much. I’ve mourned so many,” Leia said, feeling tears prick the corners of her eyes. Ashamed at herself for letting her countenance slip, she reached up and brushed them away. “I’d like to put away the mourning braids and the mourning gown for just once in my life.”

“You will,” Poe promised her. 

“You don’t know that,” Leia said, with a brittle laugh.

Maybe that was why she was so obsessed with bringing her son back to the Light. If she could just save him… If she could just untwist the tangled knots of loss and betrayal… 

“I don’t,” Poe agreed. “But I believe it anyway, because I can’t _not_.”

Leia turned until she was face-to-face with Poe. She reached up and caressed his cheek with the back of her hand. “Thank you for that,” she said. Then she leaned up and kissed him gently, her hand still resting on his cheek.

This was yet another breach of protocol in a long line of them today, but Leia hardly cared. Poe’s lips were warm and soft, and pressing back lightly against her own. It wasn’t like kissing Han—whose kisses were passionate and all-consuming—or even kissing Luke. This wasn’t about love or misplaced feelings of familiarity. 

When Leia pulled back, she realized Poe was smiling at her. She expected him to be angry or even upset, but not _smiling_. 

“When I was a kid,” he began.

Leia groaned and pressed a hand to her forehead. “You’re not going to tell me you had a holo of me, are you?” 

For a time, she’d been the face of the Rebellion. Many a young man—and more than a few young women—had her image on their wall, imploring them to join the fight. At least no one had captured holos of her on Jabba’s barge. 

“Actually, no,” Poe said, with a cheeky grin that told Leia she probably wasn’t going to like where this was going. “But when I was a kid, I worshiped you. I thought you and Han and Luke were the stuff of legends. The kind of heroes my mom used to tell me about at bedtime.”

“We were just people—” Leia protested, but Poe shook his head.

“You were legends,” Poe said. “But then I actually met you. And I saw you were just like me. You weren’t a goddess or a superhero to me anymore. You were… Leia.”

Leia couldn’t help but laugh. “Just Leia?”

“Princess, senator… Organa, Organa-Solo,” Poe said, with a shrug. He leaned in and kissed her right in the center of her forehead, his lips pressing and his hands squeezing gently on her shoulders. “My general. My friend.”

Leia closed her eyes and slipped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Poe hugged her back, his chin pressing into her shoulder. His hand began rubbing on her back again before it strayed to her hair, sifting through it. 

“Once you’re officially reinstated,” Leia muttered into his neck, “this won’t continue. It wouldn’t be proper for a general to have such a close relationship with one of her subordinates.”

Poe squeezed her against his chest a little tighter. “Of course not,” he agreed.

“But I won’t be reinstating you until morning,” Leia said, leaning back and holding Poe at arm’s length. “So, Poe Dameron. Would you like to spend the night here…with me?”

Poe’s answering smile told her all she needed to know.


End file.
